As I've described in a previous post, being an introvert can be tough sometimes. Today was one of those days. I had several things to do, and I was feeling tired. I completed all my errands, but the grocery store took a toll on me.
I decided to use the self check-out because I didn't have all that much, and the other checkout lines were getting longer. It can be a challenge using the self checkout for more than a few items since you have to bag and scan quick enough so the little automated computer lady doesn't yell at you: "if you are done scanning, please check out now." Thankfully they made the delay a bit longer so people have more time to bag and make room for stuff.
I scanned all my items and then tried my coupons. Sadly none of them worked. Thankfully a wonderful store employee made one of them work and helped me finish the transaction. Then I didn't get a receipt. I was annoyed, but had to focus on getting the rest of the items bagged. Unfortunately, before I could finish, someone decided to check out RIGHT behind me. I couldn't get the rest of my items into a bag before the other person's stuff was rolling down the belt. I always wait for the previous person to finish bagging before I start scanning items. But that's just me. I was annoyed at this person (privately, in my mind), but hurried up and threw my items in the cart. Then there were people moving around me trying to get out of the store, just as I was. I had to rearrange the last items so they didn't get squished or squish anything else. I hurriedly pulled over to where all the carts are kept, hoping I could arrange my items before someone needed a cart. My heart was racing and my mind was fuzzy. I was cursing all of humanity under my breath. I just wanted to get to my truck. It was a relief to get everything put in my vehicle, return the cart, and drive home.
There was no logical reason for me to be stressed. No one was shouting at me, threatening me, or otherwise making me feel uncomfortable. It was all in MY head. That is where being an introvert can be a bit of a drag. It's up to me to quiet my mind and calm my racing heart. That takes a lot of energy, and when you don't have a lot to spare, it can be debilitating. Thankfully I came out of it just fine, able to go about my life quietly, on my own terms. But I wish people could give me just a little more space some days.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
It’s Hard To Say Goodbye
As a responsible pet owner, one of the most difficult tasks is knowing when it is THAT time. I went through this recently with my 15 year old cat, Neo. He had been with me since he was 8 weeks old. He and I survived 7 moves (in 4 states), a divorce (from my first husband), and my current husband’s health adventures. He was a grumpy old curmudgeon from the time of his kitten-hood, he could try my patience with his “uniqueness”, he wouldn’t eat canned food, he would often turn his nose up at tuna, you couldn’t give him medication without armed backup and a straightjacket, but I loved him no matter what.
During the past 8 months, poor Neo wasn’t as much himself as he used to be. True, he had survived more moves in the past year than he had in the previous four years, but there were unseen forces starting to devastate his body. Last fall, he was diagnosed with achy joints and possible sensitivity in his lower spine. He was already on a glucosamine supplement, but too much made him sick so increasing it wasn’t an option. Multiple trips to the vet for laser therapy was going okay, until Neo wasn’t tolerating the car ride as well. Then came some strange pacing and “he just doesn’t look right” episodes. He was occasionally stumbling when he walked. I took him in a few months ago, and he was diagnosed with pretty serious cardiac issues. We tried an ace inhibitor (just like a human would take), but Neo couldn’t tolerate the medication. Just last week, I took him back to his doctor because he was vomiting daily (not an entirely unusual occurrence, but this time it was water, bile, and some blood). The vet did a total blood workup. It came back with diminished kidney function, pancreatitis, and anemia. During the exam, the doctor also said Neo’s intestines felt “ropy”, and we were both worried about his steady weight loss over the past 6 months (he’d lost about 2 pounds in 6 months). She recommended an ultrasound to evaluate further. In the meantime she put him on pain meds, an antimicrobial med, and an anti-nausea pill.
A couple of days later Neo went through an abdominal ultrasound. The news wasn’t good. Something was in Neo’s stomach, or so the surgeon thought. It was recommended to get it out immediately. I gave the go ahead for surgery, hoping it would turn out well. Instead I got a call back a few hours later from the veterinary surgeon who told me when he did the endoscopy on Neo, nothing (I mean NOTHING) was in his stomach. Instead, they did some further testing and realized the big mass they saw on the ultrasound was a ginormous stone in his gall bladder. Eeek! The good news was, I could come pick him up that day since they didn’t have to cut him open.
My husband and I sat at dinner discussing what to do (allow them to do gall bladder surgery in a week or two?). We came to the ultimate realization that we weren’t taking Neo home at all. His time had come. It was not a decision we came to lightly, or quickly. It was something I’d been trying to prepare myself for over the preceding months. Given that Neo had serious cardiac problems, joint stiffness / pain, a gall bladder stone, anemia, pancreatitis, and diminishing kidney function, we felt like it was no longer humane to keep him going and keep medicating him in hopes he would…what…live 2-3 more months in misery? As my husband pointed out, that isn’t how you treat a friend. The best outcome was to ask Neo’s doctor to put him to sleep that evening since he was still under veterinary care.
Yes, it broke my heart to say goodbye to my boy, but I also knew without a doubt it was the best thing to do for him. If he had no other health concerns than a gall stone and he was a few years younger, I would have gone with the surgery in a heartbeat. But given everything Neo had going on plus his advanced age, it wasn’t the right choice. This is where you have to ask yourself….as a responsible, loving pet owner…when is it right to say enough is enough? In our case it wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a very clear decision when we considered all the factors. Cats can be especially stoic with ailments (this keeps them alive in the wild), but you’ll see changes in their behavior that can point to possible illness (decreased appetite, weight loss, unusual behavior, staring fur, etc). Get them checked by a vet, and make sure you understand their medical condition plus treatment options. And when THAT time comes, make sure you have a lot of tissues handy. It is hard to say goodbye.
During the past 8 months, poor Neo wasn’t as much himself as he used to be. True, he had survived more moves in the past year than he had in the previous four years, but there were unseen forces starting to devastate his body. Last fall, he was diagnosed with achy joints and possible sensitivity in his lower spine. He was already on a glucosamine supplement, but too much made him sick so increasing it wasn’t an option. Multiple trips to the vet for laser therapy was going okay, until Neo wasn’t tolerating the car ride as well. Then came some strange pacing and “he just doesn’t look right” episodes. He was occasionally stumbling when he walked. I took him in a few months ago, and he was diagnosed with pretty serious cardiac issues. We tried an ace inhibitor (just like a human would take), but Neo couldn’t tolerate the medication. Just last week, I took him back to his doctor because he was vomiting daily (not an entirely unusual occurrence, but this time it was water, bile, and some blood). The vet did a total blood workup. It came back with diminished kidney function, pancreatitis, and anemia. During the exam, the doctor also said Neo’s intestines felt “ropy”, and we were both worried about his steady weight loss over the past 6 months (he’d lost about 2 pounds in 6 months). She recommended an ultrasound to evaluate further. In the meantime she put him on pain meds, an antimicrobial med, and an anti-nausea pill.
A couple of days later Neo went through an abdominal ultrasound. The news wasn’t good. Something was in Neo’s stomach, or so the surgeon thought. It was recommended to get it out immediately. I gave the go ahead for surgery, hoping it would turn out well. Instead I got a call back a few hours later from the veterinary surgeon who told me when he did the endoscopy on Neo, nothing (I mean NOTHING) was in his stomach. Instead, they did some further testing and realized the big mass they saw on the ultrasound was a ginormous stone in his gall bladder. Eeek! The good news was, I could come pick him up that day since they didn’t have to cut him open.
My husband and I sat at dinner discussing what to do (allow them to do gall bladder surgery in a week or two?). We came to the ultimate realization that we weren’t taking Neo home at all. His time had come. It was not a decision we came to lightly, or quickly. It was something I’d been trying to prepare myself for over the preceding months. Given that Neo had serious cardiac problems, joint stiffness / pain, a gall bladder stone, anemia, pancreatitis, and diminishing kidney function, we felt like it was no longer humane to keep him going and keep medicating him in hopes he would…what…live 2-3 more months in misery? As my husband pointed out, that isn’t how you treat a friend. The best outcome was to ask Neo’s doctor to put him to sleep that evening since he was still under veterinary care.
Yes, it broke my heart to say goodbye to my boy, but I also knew without a doubt it was the best thing to do for him. If he had no other health concerns than a gall stone and he was a few years younger, I would have gone with the surgery in a heartbeat. But given everything Neo had going on plus his advanced age, it wasn’t the right choice. This is where you have to ask yourself….as a responsible, loving pet owner…when is it right to say enough is enough? In our case it wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a very clear decision when we considered all the factors. Cats can be especially stoic with ailments (this keeps them alive in the wild), but you’ll see changes in their behavior that can point to possible illness (decreased appetite, weight loss, unusual behavior, staring fur, etc). Get them checked by a vet, and make sure you understand their medical condition plus treatment options. And when THAT time comes, make sure you have a lot of tissues handy. It is hard to say goodbye.
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| Neo 2001-2016 |
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