Just Say "NO" To Fake Reindeer

WARNING: This post is meant to exercise your funny bone. If your funny bone has been removed, or is damaged, please do not read this post. 

There is a grave tragedy happening every Christmas that you may not be aware of. On lawns and cards, wrapping paper and napkins, the reindeer's image is being tarnished. This has been allowed to happen because people don't know what a REAL reindeer looks like. White tailed deer are NOT reindeer! (Yes, caribou are members of the deer family, but so are moose.) Christmas has twisted the reindeer into an over-simplified caricature of some cutesy animal that flies all over delivering Santa and his goods. 

Most deer are NOT working animals. Ever seen a white tailed deer pull a sled? Of course not. They can't handle the work on those pretty, spindly little legs. Caribou and reindeer ARE working animals. They actually do pull sleighs as well as providing milk, meat, and pelts to folks living in brutally cold parts of our planet. Their noses are similar to that of the moose so they can warm the cold air they breathe (when you live close to the North Pole, you need these sorts of adaptations!). White tailed deer could never fly; they are in no way awesome enough. They do, however, provide tasty sausage and steaks. Caribou are amazing animals capable of many feats, including flying Santa around. They aren't born to fly; they need a bit of help, so Santa puts special "additives" in their food each winter.

This is the typical "reindeer" associated with the Holidays

I have become much more aware in the past few years of just how far we've strayed from the reindeer's true image. Sure, some ads and cards get it right…they show real reindeer puling Santa. But most show simplified white tailed deer and pass them off as "reindeer" (like no one will care). Sadly many fall for this sham because they've never seen a wild animal (except the city pigeons that poop on statues all over town). Caribou cannot type and don't have Internet access, so someone must stand up for their image, and make sure the public is aware of this growing defamation. I took up this cause because caribou are stupendously more awesome than any white tailed deer. They are totally cuter and their antlers are WAY more breathtaking than any common deer can manage (except for maybe the moose and possibly the elk).  

THIS is a proper reindeer, aka caribou

So please, for the love of real reindeer, boycott yard decorations, cards, and any Christmas elements that show this erroneous version of the reindeer. Correct people when they talk about their "reindeer" decorations that are actually white tailed deer. Explain the difference, then reinforce the awesomeness of caribou. With patience and persistence, we can rid the world of this dreadful decor detour. And please, don't decorate your car, your pets, or yourself with holiday antlers; you cannot match the awesomeness of a real reindeer. On behalf of all caribou and reindeer around the arctic circle, thank you for your support and have a Merry Caribou Christmas.

The Abominable Christmas Monster

The Christmas Holiday has become a real troll. It has turned into a flimsy excuse to over-spend and over-indulge. Joy and good tidings have been replaced with horrendous mall traffic, boorish attitudes, and fist fights over midnight electronics deals. The real meaning of Christmas has become twisted and mangled. It causes otherwise rational people to do un-rational, stupid, and even dangerous things. We need to put an end to this frenzied, one-time-a-year economic hyper-stimulation that has become the norm. 

This is an odd stance for me because I believe myself to be a capitalist; I enjoy seeing businesses succeed, employ people, and stimulate the economy so the engine of commerce hums along like a well-oiled machine. But when it comes to Christmas, we've lost our way. We lost the "Christmas spirit". We lost our innocent ability to greet people with a "Merry Christmas" due to fears of offending someone. We lost our ability to reconnect with loved ones. We lost our peace and good will. So now what?

Here are my thoughts on how to get some of the happiness back into the season:

• Volunteer at a food bank or homeless shelter (or give donations to local food banks and shelters)
• Donate blood (not a typical association with this time of year, but blood banks have a real need since most people are extra busy and donations slow down)
• Join a caroling group (Can't sing? Who cares! People will appreciate the effort)
• Take the family to the local zoo (a lot of zoos decorate for Christmas with spectacular lighting)
• Shop for toys and donate them to Toys for Tots or other toy charities
• Donate food and supplies at local or national pet stores
• Participate in drives to send supplies, gifts, and cards to our troops overseas
• Donate to any of the various charities that have real needs this time of year (national charities such as the Salvation Army, Goodwill, Red Cross, and Toys for Tots are fantastic, but also keep in mind small, local charities close to home where the dollars go to help local families)
• Give small gifts: if you receive good service…tip a little extra this time of year, offer to watch a co-worker's house while they're away, or offer to babysit so friends can go out for a quiet dinner

With this in mind, stand up to family and friends and say, "I refuse to participate in this crazy tradition of running around like mad, buying stuff that no one really wants just to be nice." Instead, ask people what their favorite charity is. Make a donation in their name and send them a nice card letting them know about it. Instead of gift giving, spend time with people. Fix a nice meal and have people over to reconnect and share great memories (that is if you can get them to put down their smart phones for more than 10 seconds at a time). Call up relatives on the phone (wow, yes, talking to people in real time instead of posting things on social media!) and share with them what's been going on. Or, stay home with a good wine, soft lighting, candles and some classical music….sit still, watch the flame of the candle and RELAX. But above all else, don't give in to the insanity this time of year can bring. Don't fall for the barrage of slick advertising. Say no!

In case you're wondering if I followed my own advice this year, the answer is yes. I donated blood right after Thanksgiving, and we donated toys and money to Toys for Tots (for me, it is so much fun to shop for toys that I can donate to kids who need some Christmas cheer). I also make sure to donate to food charities when I'm buying groceries (I either buy extra food to put in the bin or I donate money at checkout). My husband and I do not exchange gifts and none of the adults in either of our families exchange gifts; we do make sure the kids are taken care of (usually in the form of cash so they can enjoy shopping for what they really want). I also send my Grandmother flowers this time of year since she lives alone and I can't get down to see her (I flat out refuse to travel during holidays unless there is no other choice or it is an emergency). 

I must make something clear: I do not wish to cancel Christmas. I just want people to take a step back and think for a moment about what this season means. In its less-complicated form, it is a wonderfully peaceful holiday. Even when you add the European and American traditions that have grown out of what used to be a purely Christian holy day, it is still wondrous. Also, it can be a magical time for children. I fondly remember waking up Christmas morning with my sister and running into the living room of our our Aunt's home to see all the gifts under the tree. I was surrounded by family, and it was a very special time. I also realize I am lucky to have such fond memories of my childhood. I know many are not so well off. That makes it all the more important to cut back (even a little) on the over-shopping and put that money and time to a more "human" good.

I have stepped off my soap box so I can wish everyone who reads this a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, healthy New Year. Be kind to people and let loved ones know you care. The joy you receive in return can be the greatest gift of all.